I know everything sucks yea

but this is going to be the last time you hear me complain!! its three twenty in the morning and im waiting for laundry to get done, what a crazy hour to do laundry! I believe that this is going to be the first night of my summer where i stay up all night and sleep all day. Gosh do i love summer! I have to start working soon though and I know that it will get on my last nerve, but im going to try to stay possitive and make a ton of money. I figure if I can have a little money all the time things will be a little less stressful. I'm attempting to write my first novel.. i dont know the layout or anything and i honestly dont have any idea how to write a novel but i have a great idea.. and im going to see where my imagination takes it. Wow I'm going to be a junior in high school thats crazy!! well im done writing i think imma call it a night until the dryer goes off!

the best things in life are free

I don't have much time to write but i did want to finally write a happy carefree blog. everything is still looking great my brother is home, its getting warm, my grades are awesome, my boyfriend got a job offer at the indy star as a graphic designer, and today is an easy day for me. I seriously love everything... I really hope i didn't just jinx myself haha.

-laurel

fail

Every day I wake up positive, i swear it. The people don't see me till the end is all, when my patience is gone and my head is burning with fear and anger of the next thing that comes my way. They say a little competition in everyone's life never hurt anyone but that little is over exaggerated and kills me. Every night I tell myself that I am just going to ignore everything and i just have to work harder. I make a list, get better with words, pay attention to detail. Try to put more time into sports. Change for the better! every day i wake up with those goals and work at them and when I finally feel like I accomplished something someone close to me is there to trump me. They call it constructive criticism, but that only goes so far. when a person gets called out for every one of their mistakes it starts to bring that person down. when i kid tries to do or say something that will blow someones mind and the kid next to them goes out of their way to make something just a little better then the last kids, that last kid feels small. My whole life I have been told I could be good enough but I'm just not. They say I'm good but never say "wow that was great!" It really takes a toll on someone like me that tries my hardest on every aspect of life. It sounds horrid that at night when I'm alone i accept myself as a failure and fall asleep with it in my head. I sit here every single day feeling cold left out and sad. I want to give up on trying. I wish I could fall in the shadows and everyone would just forget, just so I don't have to compete anymore in life. Sometimes I just wish failing would cut it so people would stop killing me and showing me how worthless I really am. The world says "Find your talent!" I don't have a talent, besides not being good enough... how about that one? Accept it. I'm never going to be the best.

money isnt everything.

I have recently seen what simple no money life is like, and honestly no money equals no stress. I have found that if you stress about money to the point where you can't have fun, then even when you have a pocket full you are not happy. When you get to this point your head goes like this... when you don't have money your mad and bored and will refuse to do anything fun for free. When your finally full of money your to worried about keeping it to spend it. So now I'm changing me and figuring out ways to love life with out green paper involved. There ya go my new conclusion of life :)

CHICAGO

You never really understand where your from and what your used to and not used to until you are completely away from that area.



This place is absolutely wonderful. I am from a tiny town in Indiana and i really like Indianapolis but that is no comparison to Chicago. I felt like a million bucks walking around that place. you defiantly don't see the same kind of people around there twice, everyone is unique and different. China town is like being in a whole other country. I have never seen ducks beak on the menu before until i came across ken kee's real Asian. Art is everywhere its like that place is where art came from. When it was time to head back it was so hard not to just say forget it and never come back, (but we ran out of money.) People have always told me not to judge a place until I have been there.. well i was there and i want to go back for good. its my city of dreams and I bet that the big apple is just as good if not better. One piece of advice to all... Don't come by car, its expensive and a mess of stress the air Tran is much much better and worth the experience. :) i <3 Chicago

Laurel Coyne.

passion vs. Time management

Ya know, a few nights ago i had this great thought and i followed it up with "the next time i get to a computer I'm going to put this marvelous thought in the books". Unfortunately by the time i got to a computer, sat down, logged on and saw that it was my time to type, my mind was totally clear and the only thing i could remember was "I need to study. So, that's what i did i let my spurt of creativity fly right out the window as if my brain was almost saying, "oh well better luck next time!" That really grinds my gears. I'm a good student and always ready and willing to be on the top of my game in studies but i love my creative side as much as my determined gotta do it side. Those two things Just don't fit in the same day, I have come to find, because when a creative piece comes into my world and i don't have the time to let my writer out its like the magic never came at all. If anyone has any wonderful tips on how to level out these two things so i can get back to having up to 3 blogs a day i would sure appreciate it till then, i guess its study now and dream later. boo =[ not my cup of tea.

Laurel Coyne.

We are Best Friends

Yet she feels hopeless and deserted by everyone in her life. I try to tell her she is my best friend and that I need her but she says, "we lead different lives and I can't hold you back" We are supposed to walk together at graduation, be maid of honors at our weddings, Be each others god parent when we have kids. We are best friends, but i see she is slipping no longer needs a life existing, its killing me. What are the right words to say to someone who sees nothing but darkness in tomorrow and is scared of today. Do I help? Go screaming trying to have a shrink hold her down and show her nothing can be that bad. Do i wait and let everything run its own coarse so that maybe she will see how much she is everything to me? There is nothing to do I don't really think. She is my best friend, I cant let her leave.

what shall I call today? wonderful? :)

"Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery."
Bill Watterson

Today was bitter cold and I, the little hibernating squirrel in the mix, was out in it for 90% of the time. Luckily, that was the worst thing about today. The best thing had to be... the rest. Me and my beloved took wonderful pictures today out by the white river with beautiful clean snow and ice falling all around us. He has the most wonderful mind I have ever run into and when he puts it to good use we have days like today. No fighting, Of coarse i was being me and had to be a bit whiny during some parts but I learned to stop being the devil's advocate and enjoy the little things. There is nothing like learning with someone you love to be around, or relaxing and just watching nature run its path and not finding it boring. I looked at him a lot today when he was distracted taking pictures or wondering off or trying to get some creatures attention, and once again (it never fails) I saw his beauty every bit of it. I still cant figure out what goes on in his head or what he really thinks of me but i didn't let that bother me today. Today I truly enjoyed the little things. At one point the little thing I was enjoying was throwing a big stick at an ice covered pond just to see how frozen it really was. Of coarse i wasn't supposed to be doing that, I was supposed to be sitting still so that my love could get a focus on the picture he was planning on taking. However, The picture turned out absolutely enjoyable with him sliding next to me before the flash and me laughing trying to grab him. I know, now I am babbling about some of my personal engagements, but i just wanted to let everyone know, love is life for me and its to short to pass up tiny details like having a truly good day with your favorite person.

Today was a rough day

I really don't mean to complain but i do want to share my rough day with everyone or no one for that matter. I woke up really late to school so i barley had time to throw anything together. I got to school trying to make myself look like a human being not a creature from the black lagoon, didn't quit work. Then i get to gym thinking physical activity is just what i need and guess what happens! all the butt head jocks won't even give me a chance to show my stuff. Gotta hate those big heads sometimes. The rest of the day I'm excited to get out so i can go and see the boy that makes my day shine brighter. I almost get into a wreck on the freeway, finally get there, and we are both in horrible down right ugly moods. Softball went alright but i wish I could have done better. Now I'm finally home looking back and laughing about this whole 14 hour day. I really love these days at the end it gives me a new taste of reality, How things are going to be horrid sometimes and still i will get through them (trust me you will too!) Of coarse I'm wishing for a better day tomorrow but honestly today was a lesson to learn, just like every day.

I love my Marines

Have you ever been so scared for somebody that no matter what mood your in hearing about them turns your day a little darker? Have you ever tried to stay strong for them because you know they are staying strong for you? Today i heard about a bombing in Afghanistan that killed 20 Marines, My brother is a Marine in Afghanistan right now. I got home and heard the news and he was okay. I can't imagine how the families just like us that wait around the phone all night to hear from there kid how they are doing felt when they got that call that he wasn't coming home. I never realized how real this war was until both of my brothers decided to serve our country. Now i don't go a day without thinking about whats going on over there where they are and when they are coming home. I miss them both so much. I always tell my brother "Hey bro love you miss you keep your eyes open please don't die" I say it with all the meaning in my heart and I'm scared to death one day he won't be able to grant my wishes. While I'm over here worrying about grades and what college i get into He is there worrying about where the next bombs going to be or what's behind that closed door. I always want to think my brother will be here to protect me and i know that will be the case. I think that everyone should appreciate that those boys and girls are out there not just protecting there families but protecting you too. Love Our Troops Forever, Thank you.

Learning the Blog world

I learn more and more about these "blogs" every day. I keep hoping i get on here and find someone has read my babbling, but no luck :(. I am learning how people write and express themselves though and that is always good.. just to sit back and observe. Music is a great way to procrastinate. That is what I am doing tonight simply procrastinating tonight, what else is there to do? Math? Ha that's a joke. I really should go do it but i think I'm going to find something to write about and then post another one of these things.

late to school

I'm sitting at home waiting for my car to warm up and I'm only going to school for a good two periods. i didn't want to go to school because the weather is shit honestly. i never really like going to school when i have to drive in this.. i hope i get to see Matt today i really miss him. really what I'm hoping for is that he gets his charges dropped so he can be decently happy again. that kid is great when he is happy. when i get to school i need to go to ms cooks room so i can drop off my stuff and be on top of my game. i think tonight is going to be a homework night before and after practice so i can get ahead on my projects. i also need to go to the bookstore. my new goal is to start reading on current events, history, and how things work, and possibly... some science if its interesting. the goal after that is to get better at my sport so i can be good and possibly get some money for college by my senior year. i look pretty cute today to be fair. i think a lot of people will compliment me. well time to go off to school and get started on all my stuff :)

where to begin

i was told today that i should write every day just to keep my head going and my fingers moving. with that i decided to start a blog i don't know what I'm going to write in this blog but i believe that it is a good idea and will help me through everything. i will start by writing the little things just to get the feel of things maybe uploading a few pics and trying to make some friends then i think I'm going to start to get personal and maybe make some announcements. so here i go on my blog adventure