I know everything sucks yea

but this is going to be the last time you hear me complain!! its three twenty in the morning and im waiting for laundry to get done, what a crazy hour to do laundry! I believe that this is going to be the first night of my summer where i stay up all night and sleep all day. Gosh do i love summer! I have to start working soon though and I know that it will get on my last nerve, but im going to try to stay possitive and make a ton of money. I figure if I can have a little money all the time things will be a little less stressful. I'm attempting to write my first novel.. i dont know the layout or anything and i honestly dont have any idea how to write a novel but i have a great idea.. and im going to see where my imagination takes it. Wow I'm going to be a junior in high school thats crazy!! well im done writing i think imma call it a night until the dryer goes off!

the best things in life are free

I don't have much time to write but i did want to finally write a happy carefree blog. everything is still looking great my brother is home, its getting warm, my grades are awesome, my boyfriend got a job offer at the indy star as a graphic designer, and today is an easy day for me. I seriously love everything... I really hope i didn't just jinx myself haha.

-laurel

fail

Every day I wake up positive, i swear it. The people don't see me till the end is all, when my patience is gone and my head is burning with fear and anger of the next thing that comes my way. They say a little competition in everyone's life never hurt anyone but that little is over exaggerated and kills me. Every night I tell myself that I am just going to ignore everything and i just have to work harder. I make a list, get better with words, pay attention to detail. Try to put more time into sports. Change for the better! every day i wake up with those goals and work at them and when I finally feel like I accomplished something someone close to me is there to trump me. They call it constructive criticism, but that only goes so far. when a person gets called out for every one of their mistakes it starts to bring that person down. when i kid tries to do or say something that will blow someones mind and the kid next to them goes out of their way to make something just a little better then the last kids, that last kid feels small. My whole life I have been told I could be good enough but I'm just not. They say I'm good but never say "wow that was great!" It really takes a toll on someone like me that tries my hardest on every aspect of life. It sounds horrid that at night when I'm alone i accept myself as a failure and fall asleep with it in my head. I sit here every single day feeling cold left out and sad. I want to give up on trying. I wish I could fall in the shadows and everyone would just forget, just so I don't have to compete anymore in life. Sometimes I just wish failing would cut it so people would stop killing me and showing me how worthless I really am. The world says "Find your talent!" I don't have a talent, besides not being good enough... how about that one? Accept it. I'm never going to be the best.

money isnt everything.

I have recently seen what simple no money life is like, and honestly no money equals no stress. I have found that if you stress about money to the point where you can't have fun, then even when you have a pocket full you are not happy. When you get to this point your head goes like this... when you don't have money your mad and bored and will refuse to do anything fun for free. When your finally full of money your to worried about keeping it to spend it. So now I'm changing me and figuring out ways to love life with out green paper involved. There ya go my new conclusion of life :)

CHICAGO

You never really understand where your from and what your used to and not used to until you are completely away from that area.



This place is absolutely wonderful. I am from a tiny town in Indiana and i really like Indianapolis but that is no comparison to Chicago. I felt like a million bucks walking around that place. you defiantly don't see the same kind of people around there twice, everyone is unique and different. China town is like being in a whole other country. I have never seen ducks beak on the menu before until i came across ken kee's real Asian. Art is everywhere its like that place is where art came from. When it was time to head back it was so hard not to just say forget it and never come back, (but we ran out of money.) People have always told me not to judge a place until I have been there.. well i was there and i want to go back for good. its my city of dreams and I bet that the big apple is just as good if not better. One piece of advice to all... Don't come by car, its expensive and a mess of stress the air Tran is much much better and worth the experience. :) i <3 Chicago

Laurel Coyne.

passion vs. Time management

Ya know, a few nights ago i had this great thought and i followed it up with "the next time i get to a computer I'm going to put this marvelous thought in the books". Unfortunately by the time i got to a computer, sat down, logged on and saw that it was my time to type, my mind was totally clear and the only thing i could remember was "I need to study. So, that's what i did i let my spurt of creativity fly right out the window as if my brain was almost saying, "oh well better luck next time!" That really grinds my gears. I'm a good student and always ready and willing to be on the top of my game in studies but i love my creative side as much as my determined gotta do it side. Those two things Just don't fit in the same day, I have come to find, because when a creative piece comes into my world and i don't have the time to let my writer out its like the magic never came at all. If anyone has any wonderful tips on how to level out these two things so i can get back to having up to 3 blogs a day i would sure appreciate it till then, i guess its study now and dream later. boo =[ not my cup of tea.

Laurel Coyne.

We are Best Friends

Yet she feels hopeless and deserted by everyone in her life. I try to tell her she is my best friend and that I need her but she says, "we lead different lives and I can't hold you back" We are supposed to walk together at graduation, be maid of honors at our weddings, Be each others god parent when we have kids. We are best friends, but i see she is slipping no longer needs a life existing, its killing me. What are the right words to say to someone who sees nothing but darkness in tomorrow and is scared of today. Do I help? Go screaming trying to have a shrink hold her down and show her nothing can be that bad. Do i wait and let everything run its own coarse so that maybe she will see how much she is everything to me? There is nothing to do I don't really think. She is my best friend, I cant let her leave.