the best things in life are free

I don't have much time to write but i did want to finally write a happy carefree blog. everything is still looking great my brother is home, its getting warm, my grades are awesome, my boyfriend got a job offer at the indy star as a graphic designer, and today is an easy day for me. I seriously love everything... I really hope i didn't just jinx myself haha.

-laurel

fail

Every day I wake up positive, i swear it. The people don't see me till the end is all, when my patience is gone and my head is burning with fear and anger of the next thing that comes my way. They say a little competition in everyone's life never hurt anyone but that little is over exaggerated and kills me. Every night I tell myself that I am just going to ignore everything and i just have to work harder. I make a list, get better with words, pay attention to detail. Try to put more time into sports. Change for the better! every day i wake up with those goals and work at them and when I finally feel like I accomplished something someone close to me is there to trump me. They call it constructive criticism, but that only goes so far. when a person gets called out for every one of their mistakes it starts to bring that person down. when i kid tries to do or say something that will blow someones mind and the kid next to them goes out of their way to make something just a little better then the last kids, that last kid feels small. My whole life I have been told I could be good enough but I'm just not. They say I'm good but never say "wow that was great!" It really takes a toll on someone like me that tries my hardest on every aspect of life. It sounds horrid that at night when I'm alone i accept myself as a failure and fall asleep with it in my head. I sit here every single day feeling cold left out and sad. I want to give up on trying. I wish I could fall in the shadows and everyone would just forget, just so I don't have to compete anymore in life. Sometimes I just wish failing would cut it so people would stop killing me and showing me how worthless I really am. The world says "Find your talent!" I don't have a talent, besides not being good enough... how about that one? Accept it. I'm never going to be the best.

money isnt everything.

I have recently seen what simple no money life is like, and honestly no money equals no stress. I have found that if you stress about money to the point where you can't have fun, then even when you have a pocket full you are not happy. When you get to this point your head goes like this... when you don't have money your mad and bored and will refuse to do anything fun for free. When your finally full of money your to worried about keeping it to spend it. So now I'm changing me and figuring out ways to love life with out green paper involved. There ya go my new conclusion of life :)